February 2012
This time last year, I was in a relationship, that's been going strong for 5 years, through all of my mistakes, and hers. (I wasn't always an angel or a prince charming, and she wasn't always a princess, all our mistakes have been forgiven and forgotten, so let's get that out of the way now.) I was recently laid off from my job and this wasn't going to work because, Valentine's Day was coming up very soon, and I liked to try and do something special or buy something special for my lady on this day. I had a few bills to pay, and their was no telling when I would find another job, so I applied to collect unemployment. I was hoping that my first unemployment check would come before V-Day, because she asked me for something particular this year, instead of the usual candy, flowers, and dick in a box. This year she wanted a Tiffany I Love You Ring. Luckily my first unemployment check came a few days before V-Day, so I hopped on a train to Philadelphia, went to Tiffany and used my first unemployment check to buy this I Love You Ring... I was a sucker for seeing the joy and happiness on her face when I surprised her with something she asked for, so being out of work wasn't going to stop me from getting her this ring... Their was once a time when I would have taken bullets for her....Let me clarify... I would have gone to the nearest gun store or Walmart and stole a box of bullets for her. Not bullets fired from a gun, that's stupid, why risk one of us getting hurt when I can just push her out of the way of oncoming bullets, neither of us has to get shot.... And that's when I believe our relationship started to go down hill... Because a few months later she started sending naked pictures of herself to another man.
July/August 2012
My Lady and I were on vacation in Virginia, (for lovers, my ass) and the first few nights there my lady said she couldn't sleep. At first I didn't think nothing of it until the third night I got kind of suspicious. At the time, we shared a cell phone plan, so I decided to check our phone records and see if she was talking to anyone when she said she "couldn't sleep"...and she was...She would tell me she couldn't sleep, just so she could stay up and text this guy and send him pictures while we were on vacation. For the past three months she has been texting and sending naked pictures of herself to this guy who she works with, who we will call "Carl"...because....well, he looks like Carl Winslow. I'm not going to lie, it hurt finding this out, I asked this lady to be my wife a couple years prior, so I wasn't in the best of moods after. I mean, come on! I was on vacation, I was going to golf at this really nice golf course,(which is probably why I didn't play so well, because I had a lot on my mind...Definitely not because I'm not that good at golf.) and the worst part of it was, I wasn't even happy at Busch Gardens...I fucking love Busch Gardens...Do you know what you have to do to keep someone from having a good time at Busch Gardens?...Probably send naked pictures of yourself to a man who isn't your fiancé, and then have your fiancé find out on his vacation. Now the entire ride home, from VA, she was crying and begging for me not to break up with her, she even told me she would stop talking to Carl, so I was led to believe that she was actually sorry for her actions....HA! This lady could give Merly Streep a run for her money in the best actress category at the Academy Awards.... In the end I decided we should take a "break" and not break up completely. Now we've been on breaks many times before which really isn't anything. Nothing changes between us when we're on a break, nothing at all. The only thing to change is we have no title.
September-November 2012
Now as for this "break"...SURPRISE! nothing has changed between us, we still hang out everyday, go on dates, have sleepovers, and knock boots (for those of you who don't know what the term "knock boots" means. It's when a man and a woman take a pair of boots, and wear them on their hands, and then give each other high fives.) One thing did change though, when we talked on the phone, only she said "I love you" of course i still loved her, i just didn't want to give her the satisfaction of hearing me say it. October came and went, we still do all the regular couple things. But in November something about her has changed, she started to treat me a little differently, and she worked all the time, even on her days off she went to work. If it was a day that i also had off i got kind of mad about that. I kept asking her if she was going into work to see him, and of course she said she wasn't...So of course me being the sucker I am, I believed her because she's still leading me to believe that we're "working on us".... You ever wake up in a bad mood and don't want to deal with any shit that day? I woke like that one morning in November. So I decided to write Carl Winslow a message. I just told him that me and this woman (who we will call, Jennifer Lawrence, definitely not because she looks like Jennifer Lawrence, but because Jennifer Lawrence beat out Merly Streep for best actress this year at the Golden Globes) have still been hanging out and doing all the regular couple shit since we came back home from VA. Earlier, before I sent Carl this message, Jennifer confessed to still talking to Carl and that they've kissed. Her telling me that is why I decided to write that message to him. I figured either this guy is dumb dumb poopie pants home wrecker, or Jennifer has been telling him the same lies as often as she has been telling me. Turns out she was telling him that she was completely done with me, while she was telling me she was completely done with him. Carl wasn't so happy about that, neither was I....Once again Jennifer apologized to me and said she was done with him...again...And I believed her again after reading this.
So the next night Jennifer and I went out in the city. We went out to dinner, talked, got a hotel room, and gave each other high fives with boots on our hands I had a good time...But, a couple months later i found out that Jennifer also sent Carl a message on the same day she sent me my message.
So the next night Jennifer and I went out in the city. We went out to dinner, talked, got a hotel room, and gave each other high fives with boots on our hands I had a good time...But, a couple months later i found out that Jennifer also sent Carl a message on the same day she sent me my message.
I don't know how most women take the word "cunt" But out of anger Carl called her a "slut cunt" what a keeper.
November-January 2012-2013
After our stay in the city, everything was great. We got back together in the middle of December, i was buying her flowers, an edible arrangement, i got us suite tickets to see Kevin Hart, I was sending the most loving romantic text messages I could think of, i even went back to Tiffany and got Jennifer the matching " I love you" necklace that went with her ring. I was happy we were back together. (At any time she could have said "Please stop spending your hard earned money on me, even though we're back together, I've still been dating and having sex with Carl... (Which I don't find out till a little later.)) ....I wanted to do something fun for new years, instead of the usual go to a few bars, drink until I urinate in my pants, then run up and down the street as fast as I can, so it air dries, and then cry about it in the morning because i ruined my favorite pair of jeans...Sooo i purchased tickets to this new years eve party for Jennifer and I. On the day of the party Jennifer called me and told me that she found out through "people at work" that Carl was going to be at the same party. I didn't care, i had nothing to say to him anymore, I just wanted to go out, dance, have some drinks, and urinate in my pants. Jennifer told me that she was done with him, so i didn't think it would have been a problem to see him there. The party was pretty awesome, we danced, we drank, i shit my pants, we had a good time. But a couple days later Carl text me and wanted to let me know that he and Jennifer have been having sex for the past 3 months. At any time during those 3 months, she could have said "Oh by the way Dave, I've been having unprotected sex with someone else, you should probably get tested." But she didn't, I guess she likes having "Dick options"... The following picture is from what he sent me. We had a conversation that day, and it was very informative...
Carl also sent me pictures of conversations between himself and Jennifer...This one is my favorite.
The next few pictures are from the conversation I had with Carl...
.... I don't think he meant "Kill her with kindness.".. Clearly you can see what Jennifer sees in him. He has a way with words, its like reading Shakespeare for the first time. (Carl is the yellow bubbles)
Well something good did come out of this, I now have a new brother, and according to him, I MAY have a few more.
I made the mistake and asked Carl how many times they had sex...Some body's been busy...It takes a real special kind of person to have sex with two people within a couple days of each other....With no condom (I got tested, I'm clean, thank god) Maybe she just had us confused.
I asked Jennifer how she ever made time to go out with Carl when we spent a lot of time together, she told me that she went out with him after she told me she was going to sleep, after we told each other that we loved one another, she would go out with Carl to local bars, then after they got done in the bar, they would then have sex in his car. Because they couldn't do it at Jennifer's house because I was always over being a cock block, (how rude of me.)
Now the day after Carl saw Jennifer and I at the party together, he had some very nice things to say to Jennifer. Once again he shows his wide vocabulary and you can see again what it is that Jennifer sees in him....
Here are some other highlight pictures from this whole ordeal.
This one is Jennifer talking about how she needs to get her fix with sex, and since Carl wasn't giving it to her she had to go elsewhere...Elsewhere being me... I feel so used.
This is also a good one, this is Jennifer telling her friend that Carl has hit her before, and she is thinking about getting a restraining order after he sent her those hateful text messages...Me personally, I don't hit women.
I shared all of this on my instagram, twitter, and facebook accounts. Then Jennifer got mad and hacked my email account and changed my password, so she could then hack my instagram, twitter and facebook accounts and changed those passwords as well. After hacking, she then deleted my entire instagram account, she didn't just delete the pictures she didn't like she just deleted the account. Then went on my facebook and twitter and deleted all the pictures she didn't like that i posted. The following pictures are from my email account that told me all of my passwords have been changed.
Got this one after she changed my email password.
Got these after she changed my instagram and Facebook passwords.
And this is my favorite....
Jennifer bragging about it on Facebook...
And I already know every thing she's about to say against me.. I am white, I am a f*cking bum, I do live in a trailer with my mom. My boy Future is an Uncle Tom, I do have a dumb friend named Cheddar Bob Who shoots himself in his leg with his own gun....and that's about it.
